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You had a close friend who is no more. Given that you are in your 50s, you have known his wife long enough and have always shared a good vibe with each other. When you see that she is alone, and you are single too, the both of you gets connected and start dating. Does this situation sounds familiar? Let me tell you one thing that both of you are doing no wrong. But, like each relationship which brings certain challenges, it has its own set of challenges. So, before more water flows under the bridge, you should know what are the pros and cons of dating your friend’s widow. Here is the list of Pros and Cons of Dating a Friend’s Widow after 50.
Dating a total stranger versus dating someone who you know is different. You would have already shared ample conversations with her and heard a lot about her from your friend in the past. Now that two of you have begun to date, she won’t seem a total mystery to you and would already have some idea about how to move forward with her.
She has lost someone whom she loved. Now she has found love in you, you can be rest assured that she is going to be there for you. At this age of yours, even if younger girls look hotter and tempt you more, you must admit that you need some stability in your life. This lady is the one for you because she will respect the relationship and will not leave you and go.
She knows how drastically and suddenly everything in life can change. Given that the both of you are not really teenagers anymore, she will do things (and make you do for her) that will make you happy and also create memories that you will hold dear. These are simple and yet precious things that money cannot buy – a winter evening snuggling up in front of the fireplace, spending a day gardening, watching a starry sky at night. In other words, she will teach you to respect and love the life that you have been blessed with. At your age, positivity is something that you should definitely have in your life.
No, I don’t mean that she is one who will jump into bed at the drop of a hat (not ruling that out though) but it means that a widow is one who has seen death from close and now, will have a heart full of passion to live. Hence, she wants to do things that she’s not done before and if the two of you are dating she wants to do it all with you. While some days she might be in a silent self-introspective mood, on others she will make your life a more active one. Get ready for new holiday locations or signing up for a new hobby class together.
Losing a spouse can be heart wrenching. If a widow has dealt with this and has resolved to date another man, it indicates a lot of courage, determination, and fortitude. She has reached the point when she doesn’t want to give up on life but, rather, explore what lies ahead. Sadness is tough to get over, but here is a lady who has. If you date someone like her then you can be sure that she will instill a lot of self confidence and courage within you as well. In your 50s, when you could have started doubting yourself for many reasons, this dose from her will do you good.
He was her husband, but he was your friend too. When you date a widow who is your friend’s wife, you don’t have to keep a mask on. While there are times when she might still remember him, you can also talk about your friend. The good thing about this bond is that the both of you can remember the man fondly without either getting annoyed. There is no need to wear a mask in this relationship and that is why, together, you can heal each other off the loss.
Your friend’s widow might have gotten over her grieving period and is ready to start another relationship with you. That, however, does not mean that she won’t be talking of her husband ever. Maybe she shared a strong bond with her deceased partner and so idolises him. In fact, there might even be moments when she lands up comparing the both of you. While you cannot stop her from talking of him all the time, you can slowly bring her out of this phase with affection and care.
So, he was your close friend and she was his wife. If you think about this fact during sex, it might get a little weird for you and you might fail to perform the way you would have liked to. The best thing for you to do in such cases is to see her as a separate entity and as the woman who you are attracted to. Stop thinking that she is your friend’s widow but rather as a person you want to now grow old with.
She might have reached that stage in her life when she is ready to date again but that does not mean that she won’t experience any vulnerable moments. When she sees that you are her husband’s close friend, she might feel more comfortable in opening up about the loss that she feels and her sorrows. Often this can lead to an entire train of thoughts that will turn her into an emotional pendulum. Be ready to be her support and don’t expect her to be the epitome of fortitude all the time.
If you find her sitting alone in the room, or wanting to go off to some place where she can be alone with herself, don’t stop her from doing so. A loss will always be a loss and you need to respect that. She has welcomed you into her life, but there might still be parts of her that she doesn’t allow anyone an entry into. Give her time and don’t push her during moments like this.
When she lost her spouse, not only did she feel immensely lonely but also went through a period where she would have felt insecure. Realization would have dawned on her that she is in her 50s as well and she is all alone in this world. So, without consciously knowing about it, she might have entered into a relationship with you because she knew that you would become her next support system and she would not even have to try too hard because the both of you already knew each other. Here you need to act responsibly. Be her friend and assess minutely whether she is actually falling in love with you or is getting into a relationship on the rebound. If you feel that it is the latter, then don’t give in to this just yet.
When you date your friend’s widow you have to remember that she is not alone in her world. She has her children, her parents, and even her husband’s parents. Don’t forget the other relatives as they will find the two of you dating and it is quite possible that they will not approve of it. This has to be taken slowly and handled with sensitivity. The both of you will have to do this together. However, if you find that the lady’s family is doing everything to make her and the relationship a miserable one then you have to take a stand and get your views across to them confidently – after all the both of you are 50 year olds who are mature and straight thinking adults.
Losing a spouse is amongst the most heart breaking experiences for any woman. This loss changes her life in more ways than even she can fathom. Dating such a woman might not be easy but it does have its beauties as well. If you are ready to be her friend, share her sorrow, and help her during her weak moments, then even she will be one who will make you experience happiness in many ways – and together, the both of you will create something new which is equally precious.