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In recent times the divorce rate among seniors has gone up. This suggests that couples who have been married for decades are now finding reasons as to why they need to move out and move on. If you are wondering why and what does one do after a divorce at this age, then read on.
Cheating on the spouse is not restricted only to the younger generation – seniors also cheat on their partners. Often this is because they feel that:
When infidelity is discovered, there is a break down of marriage and divorce becomes inevitable.
Abuse always does not come in the form of physical abuse, although that is often present. A marriage at this age often gets subjected to emotional abuse. This comes in the form of complete disregard of the partner, making fun of him/her amidst friends, and not showing any affection or concern during times of ill health. When the shunned spouse is no longer able to tolerate this separation is inevitable.
The seniors find that they have nothing left to share with each other. Through the years they have spent so much time in bringing up the kids and making a career that now, when they are older, and have more time for each other, they have grown apart and don’t connect with each other. They thus want to move away find love in a new place instead of being with someone who is now nothing but a stranger.
Maybe after all these years of living together, the couple find that they are innately different in what they want from life. For example, while one likes to stay at home the other likes social events, while one wants to go on adventurous holidays the other wants to sit by the beach. These differences crop up often and leads to the couple feeling bottled up in a relationship that they no longer seek and start seeking a divorce.
It was a different story in earlier times when the work opportunities used to be limited – especially for women. Thus, due to lack of financial independence they used to stick to a man for living their lives comfortably. But nowadays the opportunities are manifold and hence women who are unhappy in their marriages are trading marriages for work and independence.
As one ages many medical issues take over. This not only affects the person physically but the equation with the partner also changes. For example, the sex life gets hampered. The other, fitter, partner, then no longer wishes to remain in a marriage where she would just be a caregiver to the spouse. Thus often a separation results.
After decades of being together it might dawn on the couple that the spark is no longer alive. Yes, they might make changes in the way they appear or even change movements in bed so as to create new chemistry, but it might still all go unnoticed. That is when the couple feel that they need a pair of new eyes for the appreciation to come in and hence seek a divorce.
The desire to have sex often reduces with age. So couples face the situation when one doesn’t want to have sex anymore. This could be due to tiredness, pains, or medical issues. When this continues over extended periods of time despite all efforts to rejuvenate it, the partner wanting sex starts to feel the need to look elsewhere.
A divorce amidst seniors brings with it its own unique set of consequences. So if you are thinking of one, you should really know what you are getting into.
You have been with a partner for many years and suddenly one day you find that you are on your own. While initially this will give you a sense of exhilaration due to the freedom that you now have, but soon you will begin to feel extremely lonely and taking all decisions on your own might even get a little overwhelming at times.
Maybe you have been holding onto your marriage for the sake of the kids saying that at least they will lead a sheltered life and now you are moving towards a divorce since they have flown their nest. But you must know this, had the child been with you and seen your troubles he would have been more accepting of a separation than now when it is suddenly thrown at his face that his parents are divorcing. He might not be able to take it too well and might distance himself from the both of you.
Maybe you had common friends who the both of you were close to. However, now, with the divorce, there are chances that many of these friendships will dwindle. Yes, the time will come when you will find that you don’t really have too many people to reach out to. This can make you feel a little anxious and that’s when you should go out to make new associations.
Yes, you are well off and won’t live in penury but when the divorce settlements are happening you must settle for an alimony that will give you the cushion that you need. At the end of the day, a divorce does not come cheap – there is a lot of division of financial assets and a lot is lost as lawyer fees. of drowning.
For all these years you were probably known as a couple and everyone identified the two of you together. Now that you are alone, there will be times when you feel that you have lost your identity. Yes this can be challenging and even cause depression, but take it as a challenge upon yourself that soon people will know you for who you are and not who used to be with your spouse.
There is no need for you to rush things or do anything when you are feeling vulnerable but now that you are single and if you have emotionally healed after the divorce, then it is time for you to start dating again. It does not matter if you are fifty. This will make you feel more confident of yourself and also alleviate the loneliness that you might be feeling.
There is nothing more de-stressing than to travel to a new place and experience a new culture and mingle with new people. It takes the mind to a new zone of peace. So, instead of rueing over a failed marriage, you need to look forward to your independence and travel to new places.
You have so much more time on your hands now. At your age, there must be something that you have always wanted to learn and do. Now is the time to do it. It will give you the chance to meet new people and make new friendships and also be therapeutic for you.
When you help someone in need you will find that the sadness that you are feeling gets reduced. So, join an organisation and contribute your bit to a good cause. It could be with animals, young children, or even amidst the backward section of the society.
Don’t go into a shell after your divorce. You need to reach out to people and talk to get positive vibes from them. So find your friends circle, join a support group, or even seek professional help.
For a number of years you have probably been dressing and looking the very same. Now that you are free, and it doesn’t matter if you are fifty, it is time to reinvent yourself. So go get a new haircut, add colour to the greying hair, and buy sexier clothes. Yes, flaunt yourself – not for anyone to see but for your own well being.
Divorce is never easy but if you have initiated the process then don’t look back on life with regrets. Instead be positive and look forward to the life that lies ahead of you.