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Now that the life expectancy of people are going up, seniors know that they will get 30 years or even more with a new partner even if they marry at 50. So, seniors are slowly opening up to the concept of a second marriage. It doesn’t come without challenges though. These, difficulties can, however, be overcome. If you are a senior and planning a remarriage, here’s what you need to watch out for and tips to overcome them. As Oscar Wilde said, “Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience”.
Studies have shown that women tend to outlive men. Hence senior men usually are found to be marrying again more often than the senior women do – after all men over 50 have a greater pool to choose from. However this is no barrier for women. The world is a big place and if a woman has to find a mate then she will. Senior women have also started to warm up to the idea of dating a younger man. With this their pool has also started to increase.
When seniors think of a remarriage it means that they won’t just be marrying an individual but an entire family including kids sometime comes in tow. This first set of family is often closed on the idea of remarriage. For example, adult children face issues on relocation especially if their parent is shifting base to a new city after marriage as it creates a sense of abandonment within them. Both partners together will need to resolve this with time and patience. Grown up children may not be open to parents second marriage for the thought of being robbed of their inheritance. Instead of keeping them in the dark it is best to let them know what they will get despite you marrying a new person.
When two people are well off one does not feel any financial strain. However in remarriage a new issue crops up with respect to the financial handling. The share of who gets what. For example, a senior is likely to have a lot of savings, money from his retirement, maybe further profits from fixed assets, and even money got after the passing away of a spouse. If it’s a lady who has gone through a divorce then she would have other financial assets at her disposal. All this can be a cause of stress in the second marriage and more so in the mind of the man if the woman has more with her.
Two financially independent partners are devoid of jealousy or stress owing to lack of funds. However if a noticeable difference in financial wellbeing exists either way, it could lead to disputes or a strained relationship. The couple may have steady income sources or individual liabilities to deal with and it all should be understood and clarified beforehand. Financial skeletons are harder to deal with than most other aspects for a new couple.
The best thing to do is to fuse all the finances together instead of keeping them separate because, at the end of the day, the new person cannot really wash his hands off taking care of the family he is marrying into financially. However, that said, if there is a certain share that is for the child, that should be made clear from the beginning so that it remains untouched.
Often when seniors remarry after becoming a widow/widower they tend to talk of the first spouse. However, after remarriage one should avoid excessive mournful discussions of the past as it could not only be a turn off but also be taken negatively by the new partner. These comparisons, direct or indirect, can harm the new marital life.
After being together for decades when a marriage ends, the person, in his / her state of vulnerability, often rushes into another marriage. They get attracted to compliments, better sex, more fun times together etc. rather than spending some time in connecting with the person mentally. Hence often second marriages fail because they land up marrying the wrong person in hurry. This is one of the reason why second marriages in seniors often end in a divorce. One should, instead, spend more time in being together and tying the knot only when there is a compatibility mentally.
Divorce amongst seniors often happen because one partner does not want to be a mere caregiver to the other. But, if they rushes into the second relationship without finding out enough about the new partner then one might get themselves into a similar situation. Old age does bring with it a lot of medical complications. So, it is best to discuss about all health issues that the new partner might have before deciding to marry.
When you tie the knot for the second time you have to choose between your new spouse and your old friends. These friends probably knew your first partner well and so don’t adjust easily to the new one. Its possible that your new partner wants to do their own set of things with you. This is where your role becomes important. You cannot always expect everyone to mingle. For sometime you have to keep them apart but through gentle coaxing you might make them receptive to each other
Over the last decade or so, remarriage amongst the elderly has been increasing. And why not – everyone deserves a shot at a new beginning, no matter what the age. But, marriage is never easy and a second marriage when you are a senior even more so. Right from what to do with the old wedding rings to where is the right place to live needs to be decided. However, if you have found companionship and you genuinely love the person, you will overcome all these barriers.